How to speak like a 14 month old
Posted: March 7th, 2009 | Author: Ross | Filed under: Childhood, Family | No Comments »After hours of searching the Rosetta Stone catalog for a course on how to speak 14-month-old, I realized the odds of finding such a product were slim. And since I’m not good with languages (15 years of Hebrew class and I can barely speak a word of it), I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me.
So I came up with a scientific research strategy: write down all the syllables I heard Caley say, and then write down all the objects in the room that contained that sound.
After a few calculations I narrowed it down that, on average, each syllable could mean any one of fifteen things. For example, the syllable “Ba” could mean any of the following:
Bottle
Ball
Balloon
Basket
Break dance
ScooBa
Burp
Blanket
Boy
Baby
Book
Backpack
Broken glass
Booze
Bank statement
I began to map the possibilities together. I ended up with the following graph:
I was getting somewhere. But I needed a way to narrow down the options. So I started observing physical cues Caley gave when she made her sounds. She pointed, smiled, drooled, snotted, patted her belly, cried, flopped, and clapped. She also farted once.
I mapped out the new data over the original data and got the following graph:
After studying this graph for a few hours, I began to understand what Caley was trying to tell me, and, after a while, I became fluent in her language. We started to communicate in ways I never thought possible.
Here are bunch of things she says and what they mean:
“Shh shh ba” (while clapping)
Translation: “Tell mommy I need a diaper change.”
“Ba eeh shh ya” (While pointing at the ceiling)
Translation: “Tell mommy I want a bath.”
“Che see ka bay ap” (smiling)
Translation “Tell mommy to get you a beer.”
It’s really pretty amazing what a little research and observation can help you understand. It’s like we have a whole new relationship. I never thought she was so aware of what’s going on. For example, she’s already reminded me twice this month to pay off our bank statement. I told her to tell her mommy. She handles that stuff.
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