Forget about the boogie man
Posted: January 10th, 2007 | Author: Ross | Filed under: Home Life | 3 Comments »Something happens in my closet: every time I open the closet doors there are more hangers than there were the day before. By now, hangers in my closet outnumber clothing 3-1. But these hangers are no ordinary mysteriously multiplying metal materiel. They sneakily snag themselves together just to make my wardrobe planning more difficult. I try and pull one out, but they cling together like lovers being torn apart. Others fall to the floor, possibly trying to create a distraction. But I’m heartless. I keep tugging. I mangle and untangle and the once triangular shape looks like a beaten “S.” But they get the last laugh. Because upon my next closet opening they have yet again multiplied.
I am trying to get to the bottom of this trickery. Do I have a magical closet? Do hangers have a lust for reproduction? Maybe someone is playing a cruel joke. But who? The questions are more than the answers and I don’t know who to call. (Hanger Busters?)
I feel helpless. I sleep right across from my closet and, naturally, I can only wonder about what magic manifests itself in there. I can’t help but think back to the movie Star Wars, Attack of the Clones. I remember the thousands and thousands of little white drones lining up to, well, attack. (Great name, Lucas.) Then I think of thousands of hangers in my closet, training for battle with special combat techniques—ready to swing off the bar and rip out my eyeballs as I lay helpless in bed.
You may think I’m joking, but what if I’m right? I mean, it’s so perfect. Who would expect it? What if your hangers were planning the same thing? What about your neighbors’ hangers? It’s pretty scary if you think about it. That’s why I like to think of flowers instead.
Flowers are nice…
Subscribe with RSS
it’s the dry cleaners fault, they’re in cahoots with the hangers. they make you give your shirt in without a hanger, forcing you to leave the original home. Then when they return the shirt they give you a new hanger. Which is precisely why at the end of each month I make a special stop at my dry cleaners and drop off the extra hangers.
You give them back?! That just encourages them to keep giving out more! That’s why i stick them in a garbage can and pour gasoline all over them, burn them, then burry them in 20 feet of cement. It’s a bit tedious, but it does the trick.
I seem to be running short on hangers all the time. Maybe their migrating to nicer clothes.
Mike